This is personal. But then again, what isn't that you let run through yourself, shape it and then place the result on a table in front of you. Look at it, don't you see your self? Do you like what you see? If you don't then there are things you have to work on and I have, oh I have. By now, I like what I see in front of me. I'm pleased, thank you.
There are days when I go to bed wearing soft eyes and memories of a day as a make up. There are nights when I go to bed excited. There are days and nights. And nights.
You're found when you're ready. I realised that during this year. I was ready. I am, and things keep finding me, for that I am so grateful. This year has made me grow humble and master the art of staying in present in a healthy way. Have you noticed how we always try to either live in the future or in the past but rarely in the present. We are so determined to be somewhere else and be someone else that we close our eyes to what we actually have and who we are. It's ironic that we have to teach ourselves to do that. Give yourself a little time and see what you have managed to achieve. It's not a small amount.  You should be proud of yourself. You should take that and use what you have to grow further. That's the real art of living.
Thank you for reading this, I wish you opportunities that you recognise and I wish you luck. Nothing ever happens without luck. Luck and hard work.

it's snowing

Let’s get one thing straight, snow. I will never be welcoming you with open arms, or, rather, I won’t be welcoming you at all. Even more so, when you come over and flash your cold shiny teeth at me it fills me with terror and freezes my heart. I don’t know what to do with you. You’re the cold version of king Midas. You scare me. Whole autumn I hold my breath, I savor the scents and save the colours on my heartdrive and then you come and start erasing everything. You take me apart, piece by piece, brushing over my every memory with your white dust so I would forget what it’s like to...to not endure.

I know, people who live in warm climates over romanticise you. When you fall, it’s considered to be romantic and beautiful. They don’t know how you kill everything, slowly. They don’t need triple cardigans and feather jackets just to survive when you’ve taken over. They don’t know your true colours. The colours of nothingness. The void.

I wish I’d never met you.

(not) yours,

  me

three things.

Some things I want to say. I want to say in here. Some things. Thing one: I'm on a journey. On a journey of losing lots of layers and discovering new ones to add. On a journey from outside in. I want to like that, indoors of me. I haven't for too long a time to remember, with it's shabby worn out wallpapers and soggy rugs it has cost me embarrassment and shame. What a shame. So. I'm redecorating and rebuilding. Renovating my inner self. It feels good. I feel good.  Thing two: I'm not doing it alone. I'm doing it with love and trust. I'm doing it with being in awe. I'm doing it with being proud. Third thing: I'm enjoying reading again. Reading words. Words absorb through my skin and mingle with blood cells.  I'm being carried away with the feelings in between lines, they're packed with colours and vibes. Colours, millions of colours. My fingers and tongue have a coat of colour when I put down my book. I'm grateful for this time.

Happy New Year!

I must say, the year 2011 started quite amazingly for me and exceeded all the expectations. Bliss.
I'm not going to look back to last year and list all the changes and achievements, I don't see any point in that, I'd much rather look ahead and set my goals for this coming one. I've got loads of interesting projects and ideas I want to realise. Yesterday I got an unexpected call from one of Estonian's most innovative animators asking me if I'd like to work with him in his new film...so...if things like these happen already on 3rd day of January then who knows where I end up by the end of this year.
Fingers crossed!